quasi in rem

Monday, January 26, 2004

The Passion Shocker! New Ending Reveals Jesus had a Clone!

Film critics around the world were astonished on Monday after viewing the most recent edit of Mel Gibson's new movie "The Passion" to discover that the director had changed the ending of the movie to incorporate the new character of Jesus' Clone!



When reached for comment on the decision for the new ending, Mel Gibson admitted to the switch. "Basically our old ending was not testing well outside of the Vatican, Utah, South Bend, Indiana, and several counties in Georgia." The original version of the Passion will still be shown in movie theatres in those locales, but every other theatre, and every Motion Picture Academy voter, will recieve a print with the new clone based ending.

"In today's world of lower church attendance, the popularity of the blasphemous DaVinci Code, the search for life on Mars, Howard Dean attracting thousands of supporters, embryonic stem cell research and the possible first human clone, audiences just weren't buying our old ending confirming that Jesus was the Son of God." Gibson continued. In order to placate the growing secular masses, Gibson's production reshot a second ending where Stephen Hawking travels back in time and creates a clone of Jesus in the moments prior to his crucifixion.

"Audiences were much more comfortable with the clone idea." Gibson quipped, "Plus this really opens the possibility for a sequel." Although, Gibson was coy about possible story lines for the sequel, he did say that he was currently in talks with Jim Cameron and Leo Di Caprio. "For too long people have said that there was no way there could be a sequel to Titanic, well we got Jesus' clone now, so pretty much anything is possible!"

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