quasi in rem

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Edwards X!

Quasi in rem has discovered the identity of the winner of the Democratic nomination for the Presidency. Despite last night's coronation by network and cable news outlets of John Kerry as the Democratic Party nominee, this blog has learned that the networks are actually just duping the public in order to increase ratings for the Democratic Nominee Show. But don't believe the network hype, election fans.

Through a detailed investigative procedure into CNN's webspace, Quasi in rem has discovered that JOHN EDWARDS will actually be the nominee. How will this happen, you may ask. Well the exact details of how the rest of the primary and caucus season will unfold, is unknown, but what is known is the CNN.com already has scheduled John Edwards as the eventual nominee. On CNN.com's website detailing the 2004 Democratic Primary Show the network has chronicled the various contestants successes and failures. Included in their web design is a small picture of each contestant along with their current results.

Once a candidate has been eliminated from the process, the network places an "out" mark across the picture. Dick Gephardt and Carol Mosely Braun were outed in preceeding weeks. Last night, not surpirsingly for dedicated viewers, Joe Lieberman was "outed" by the network.

What is surprising is that the network has tipped of the eventual winner of the primaries in its web space's future cache. Along with the already outed candidates, the network has, in its future dated reserves, a Kucinichout. jpg dated June 3rd:

A Sharptonout.jpg dated March 4rth:

A clarkout.jpg dated February 18th:

And a Deanout.jpg dated March 1rst:

And, finally and most shockingly, is the existence of the "Kerryout.jpg".

The image is dated for release simultaneously to the end of the Democratic convention in August, signalling a dramatic finale for this series. Up until now the scheming Kerry has been seen to be the favorite and viewers will be shocked to discover he does not win the whole thing. This is obvioulsy a recent image of Senator Kerry, and his smile must bely the hurt and anguish he must feel as the eventual runner-up.

However, the site contains no "ewardsout.jpg" or any similarly named picture. It does contain the following picture entitled "edwardswin.jpg" similarly dated for the end of the convention.

We can only assume that the infighting and bickering that the network has shown amongst the contenders is only part of the drama and is being displayed to increase ratings considering that they all must know the outcome. Similarly, in this genre of reality televison programming, it is typical that schedulers and programmers often play up one unlikely candidate through the beginning of the show to increase viewership and suspense once the eventual winner is exposed.

Future research will be done on other network websites and on the candidates sites themselves, but until John Edwards is outed himself, this site maintains that he will be the eventual Democratic nominee.


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