quasi in rem

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Special Forces Ready to Unleash Secret Weapon In Saddam Hussein Interrogation

After weeks of interrogation without success, Special Forces Units and CIA operatives questioning Saddam Hussein have revealed they are ready to take the process to the next level.

The new interrogation procedure will begin on Thursday March 18th, when the CIA recieves its DVD copy of Dr. Seuss' The Cat In The Hat staring Mike Myers.

The CIA plans on running the movie on a constant loop in Saddam's cell until he admits to the presence of or location of his weapons of mass destruction programs.

This is by far the harshest psychological operation tactic yet employed by American forces since Barabra Streisand albums were played on a continuous loop outside of Manuel Noriega's compound in Panama.

Unnamed sources have confirmed that the "Streisand tactic" has been employed on Saddam but it has been unsuccessful to date. Sources attribute this failure to Hussein's extreme hearing deficiency. "He only other explanation is that he is a huge Streisand fan," stated one interrogator, "which isn't entirely out of the question."

His sight and comprhension have not been affected by his age and lifestyle, and the CIA hopes the the unbearable monotony and nonsensical dreariness of the Cat in the Hat will turn the deposed leader. The International Red Cross has been informed of the procedure and has cautioned the United States to measure its pace.

"While we see nothing inherently life threatening in repeated viewings of The Cat in the Hat, we do categorize this activity as pure torture. If the United States escalates this activity and decides to show Madonna's Swept Away, John Travolta's Battleship Earth, or , God forbid, Gigli, we will have to take immediate action"

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