quasi in rem

Monday, June 21, 2004

Bill Gates Applauds the Success of SpaceshipOne

SpaceshipOne, the multi-million dollar private space ship consortium headed by former Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, successfully completed its first spaceflight today, rising over 62 miles into the atmosphere and beyond and then returning to Earth. Allen stated that this flight was the first of many and that someday man could have daily privately funded flights into space.

For his efforts, Allen recieved congratulations from all quarters of the scientific and business community, who welcomed the renewed explorer spirit and hope that one day anyone could experience space, even if just for a moment before plummetting down to earth.

Of special note, Allen's former partner, Bill Gates, was glad he had a front row seat to the momentous events. "It was so cute," Gates stated from the office of his 37 room Space Station named Global Dominance 4, located 88 miles above Seattle in geosynchronous orbit. "His little ship just zoomed right on up here like one of those little scooters or BMW Mini's. And then it just fell right back down."

Gates added his admiration for Paul Allen's efforts, "I am so proud of Paul. I remember my first space flight in 1997, and it is truly an incomparable feeling. Almost as good as walking around on the moon or killing a street bum, or taking a street bum up to the moon and then killing him." Gates added," Maybe one day, if Paul ever gets a real spaceship, he can spend a weekend up here with me, Melinda and the kids."

Gates' two children were also joyed with the prospect of visitors to their private space compound. "The kids had a great time targetting it on our short range laser weapons system," Gates added, "We had it on full safety of course, it's not like we have exclusive rights to all Space up here." Gates' attorneys informed us that at press time while Microsoft does not currently own all of space, but it does own the exclusive license for 88% of known space and all dark matter.

As for the future of private space travel, Gates is very optimistic. "Paul Allen demonstrated today that even on his very limited budget, someone can go to Space. Even with most of your parts bought from what I can only assume to be Walmart, a single man can experience my little corner of the universe, even for just a few seconds."

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