quasi in rem

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Page 3 - Possibly the All -Time Worst List on ESPN

Page 3 should be shut down, burned out and the cache erased so that no one can find it during even the most intensive Google search.

There list of the top moments in sports movies is so lame, so forced, so pathetic and poorly researched I can't help but think that some university professor was involved somehow. I can't help but imagine Brian and Andy Kamenetzky sending an email to some USC film professor to get this list.

Some of the entries make sense:

The lights out scene in the Natural at number. Fine. Contrived maybe. But memorable and often replayed. Hardly #1 however.
The strikeout scene was much more creative however.

At number 2 they have the third fight from Raging Bull. Also a fine choice...for a film. But this was hardly the best scene in the movie. When De Niro interrogates Pesci for what seems like hours about certain acts with his wife it sucks the breath out of your chest. Far and away the best scene in the movie.

Once again they screw up at number 3. The chess scenes in Searching for Bobby Fischer were fine, but the final scene is hardly memorable or dramatic. Give me the fast paced 2 minute chess tutorial in the park for drama and revelation.

The most unfortunate pick is at number 4 where they pick some psycho-film drabble crap from Hoosiers. Hoosiers has probably 5 of the top 10 sports scenes in the past twenty five years on its own. But somehow Page Three manages to miss all of them. Here they are in reverse order:

5. The final huddle in the movie, when Coach calls the play and the team shuffles in disappointment. Jimmy Chitwood gives away the ending by stating "I'll make it." You know he would and he did.

4. Ollie getting carried off the court after making an improbable underhand freethrow to win the game. Actually the whole scene is classic when right before the shot Strap grabs Ollie's hand in the huddle and Coach advises: "Make it a good one Strap."

3. The team meeting right before the final game where Coach looks them all in the eye and says: "I love you guys." And you believe it. And then at the end when the montage shows Indiana, the team picture in the gym, and replays his words all over again.

2. After Coach Dale gives up his place to Shooter (the scene mentioned on the site) the scene really begins. First he gets some advise from his son, and after a defensive stop the team comes back to the bench and Shooter, well, Shooter says this:

"We're gonna run the picket fence at 'em. ... Merle should be open swinging around the end of that fence. Boys, don't get caught watching the paint dry!"

1. Before the final game against South Bend when Preacher Purl steps up to give his prayer: "And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it. And it struck the Philistine on the head and he fell to the ground. Amen." After that I was ready to jump up and play for Hickory.

I have no idea what the guys at Page 3 were thinking other than they possibly have never actaully seen the movie.

Next the list goes just plain crazy. Lucas??? Without Limits? Jerry Macguire? Just crazy.

Next on the list without question should be Rudy, when he runs out on the field. You could hear a tear drop in the theatre when that happens. And you did.

The "Do you want to have a catch?" scene from Field of Dreams should be there. Or Moonlight Graham's at bat and subsequent heroics. Nowhere to be found.

Every third scene from Caddyshack should be next. Bll Murray's caddying for the Dalai Lama, Ty's lesson sequence, the Caddy tournament and denouement.

Next, the peg board scene from Vision Quest. Who knew Matthew Modine had it in him?

They pick Bull Durham , and the meeting on the mound, which is quaint, but the coach's tirade in the locker room is much better in my opinion. Lollygaggers!

Their list go on with more unknowns. They get the Karate Kid right, which is a miracle. Right scene too where Myagi revelas what Danny has been training for all day.

This isn't the first list Page 3 has completely screwed up and it won't be the last.