quasi in rem

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Ringo Starr, abandoned, unneeded and unfed!

Ringo Starr was found today, alone, likely abandoned by his caregiver, and in very poor health due to lack of nutrition. His wife, Barbara Bach was not in their home and has not been seen for several days.

Ringo, formerly of Beatles fame, has gotten older since his Beatles days and has started to lose his hair. He blames that transformation in part on the dissolution of his marriage and eventual abandonment.

" She never sent me a Valentine this year, "Ringo said" or a birthday greeting." Officials also noted that Ms. Bach seemed to have cleaned out the couples mansion of all liquor including wine.

Ringo's daughter Serena noted, "The first sign things were bad between them was when dad showed up at our doorstep at quarter to three in the morning. Barbara had just locked him out."

Officials are still on the look out for Miss Bach, who, despite being a former supermodel, has aged herself, and is unlikely to find another mate at this advanced age.

Other than Mr. Starr's poor condition, the house was in complete disrepair. Fuses needed mending, sweaters lay half knit by the fireplace and weeds filled the garden.

"You've got to find her and find out why she left," Ringo pleaded with the police." We have a rental cottage on the Isle of Wightif that we use in the summer. She might be there."

This is not the first tragedy to have hit the Starr household in recent years. In 2002, Ringo's three grandchildren Vera, Chuck and Dave Starr were all killed in a freak submarine/octopus accidental collision which remains unsolved to this day.

The only clue as to Ms. Bach's reasons for leaving was a form which read:
Ringo? Yes ___ No __X__

In other Starr related news, Ringo turned 64 today July 7th, 2004. In lieu of gifts, Ringo would rather be 22 again.


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